remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He felt like a one man threesome
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
