he shaved USA in his pubs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
