I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
