yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
