was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
