I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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