I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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