Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
