If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize