Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
