Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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