I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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