we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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