He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
