Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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