Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
