Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
