i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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