saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
