one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
