We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
