i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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