she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
