Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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