i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He kissed a someone with a penis
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
