cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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