Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I need moral support for this bender
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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