What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
