I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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