I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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