Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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