im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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