is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
operation harelip BJ is a go
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
