Are we in a gay sports bar?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize