I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
