I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize