Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
