Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
how does that bad decision feel?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
