Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
