He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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