By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
