Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
