I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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