I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
