Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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