i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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