just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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