He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
