Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dicks are not precious.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
