i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So many bounce houses so little time
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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