Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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