listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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