PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
