i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
