I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
