What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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