The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize