What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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