Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We left an ass print on the piano.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
