I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
