May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
