It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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