I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
3 2 1 whiskey
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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