then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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