tell your sister to shave her snatch
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
