Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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