my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Randomize