I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
