I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize