I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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