totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
