He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize