just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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