i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
