I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
