ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
