please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize