Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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