Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
