how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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