He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
