also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
