wakey wakey hands off snakey
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
