He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize