Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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