i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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