Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize