im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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