): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
