What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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