I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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