Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
