i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
