yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
