I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
