I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
