This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
