I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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