great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize