I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
