I just saw a hot homeless man
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
