Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
