DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
