Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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