Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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