ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize