Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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