I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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