I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
