god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
