so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
