dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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