NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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